Wedding Q&A Thursday: Mother of the Bride

Q: I know that she's just trying to be helpful, but my Mom is driving me a bit crazy. I'm sure you deal with a lot of Mothers, is there a way for me to politely" ask her to back off? I don't want to hurt her feelings!

A: As you said, your mother is just trying to help, and if she's really all over you about things, it may be because she's actually a little overwhelmed herself! I think the best way to "control" family members in general is to think about what their traditional roles in the process should be, combined with what they are capable of, combined with what you trust them to do, thereby creating a personalized role for them. Then sit down with them and discuss all of your plans, and the thought process behind them, highlighting specifically where you would like their assistance, advice, etc.

The wedding planning process is so different from normal life. Everyone wants to help, everyone wants to be put to work. So give them a job! If they have an assigned duty they are less likely to just arbitrarily give you advice and opinions that could start to drive you crazy. Even if your justification comes from a good place - "Mom, I just want you to relax and enjoy the wedding..." - some people will not be satisfied with a hands-off approach.

That said, the "traditional" mother of the bride roles are less defined than, say, the father of the bride or maid of honor. Her job, vaguely enough, is to help! So if she's a little frantic, overwhelmed and, therefore, overwhelming, keep her filled in on the process (maybe suggest a weekly phone call to keep it in control) and ask her to do specific things that will actually help you...

- Mom, would you mind making me a list of addresses of all of our family members as well as your guests, including their full names and the names of their children?

- Hi Mom, I'd love for you to talk to Grandma and our other female relatives and come up with some family traditions that we may consider using in our wedding.

- Hey Mom, I've got that under control, but ya know what I could use a little help with? Calling area hotels and finding out the rates they offer for group reservations! (yay)

- Mother Dearest, you are such a great hostess! I know that you're going to come up with some great ideas for the welcome bags we leave in our guests' hotel rooms (wink).

Your Mom is excited! She will throw herself full-force into whatever task you assign her and be a much calmer ally in the process.

Wedding Q&A Thursday: Mother of the Bride Dress

Our question this week comes from a Mother of the Bride!

Q: I need to start thinking about my dress. What length would be appropriate? knee-length, halfway between knee and ankle, ankle? What colors should I stay away from?

A: The style of your dress should be based on the style and feel that the bride and groom want to go with for the wedding itself. Since I know your daughter is choosing to have an afternoon wedding, but still wants to keep the day on the more formal side, you may want to do a semi-formal look. The exact length itself is not as important as the style of the dress and should be chosen based on your comfort in a particular dress length. If you have killer legs - keep it at the knee. If you are more comfortable covering up - go long. Stick with an elegant look that is more dressed-up than you would usually wear, you are the MOB and you want to keep in mind that you will be in many pictures and have a lot of eyes on you that day. If you are not a “dress” person, an elegant pant suit is ok if that is your style. After all, it will be a long day, so you need to feel comfortable or it will reflect in the pictures.

As far as what color to wear, we can start with what colors NOT to wear. Avoid wearing white, ivory and sometimes champagne (depending on what the bride is wearing) that may match the bride! Black has been said to be suggestive of mourning, and some say it is bad luck. On the contrary, it can also look very elegant, especially if it coordinates with the wedding's color scheme. So think about that before choosing black just because you are afraid to go in a more colorful direction. Some say to stay away from flashy colors like red, but again, I feel that this restriction depends on the wedding's palette. If the entire wedding is done in soft, muted colors, red may be a little too much. But if bright colors abound, go bright!

The best way to approach it is to first talk to your daughter to see if she has any feelings one way or the other. She may want you to wear the same color as the bridesmaids or a different shade in the color family. For example, say the girls are wearing light blue dresses - an elegant navy look would be perfect for the MOB. Other safe colors are always silvers and grays (which are VERY chic and popular right now), gold tones or champagne (beware if your daughter's dress leans toward champagne), bronze, espresso brown, lavender, blues, aubergine or burgundy - honestly, whatever works best with your skin tone!

In the end, you will feel the best and be the best representative of your daughter by wearing a dress that fits you well and makes you feel beautiful. The wedding day is about your daughter getting married, so you should remain tasteful and elegant, but that does not take away from the reason for the dress - getting you all dolled up to celebrate an important occasion for you as well as your daughter!

OH! I almost forgot a very important reference point - the Mother of the Groom! As the two of you shop, keep the lines of communication open, especially if you live in the same town. You don't want to wear the same thing!

Check out these dresses from the Mother of the Bride section on the Nordstom dress section:

Happy Shopping!

Do you have any questions for us? We feature a new question each Thursday, send yours in to info@triciahuddas.com and we might feature your question next!